Dave Carnie BOOB

Here is some of Carnie's book boob for my YT bros.

Aquí hay algunos de los libros de Carnie para mis amigos de YT.

Metroid Other M Has tastey goodness among Shit

I owe Metroid other M a partial apology.

I braved it out and played the rest of the game. Earlier I posted that the game is a complete pile of shit. I know realize what fans of the game are getting on about.

The game began to take off after about 5 hours of play time. This is shitty and makes the game what it is $7 at the moment. From the start the game makes no fucking sense. The aura of the game is what I can figure is a super metroid in 3D. Well those that think that are in their own world because really the game is fucking out there and kinda has some similarities here and there.

Here are my main beefs with this damn game.

The cut scenes cannot be skipped, ever! Fuck this. All games that have non skipping cut scenes really makes me scratch my head in wonderment. Nintendo is finally starting to put skip on the cut scenes in recent games.

Next the story is slow. The concept of the story and the weapons and equipment being allowed makes some sense because of where the story goes with Adam. Now, here is a story that is drawn out and is basically filled with meaningless shit. Some of the story was okay and I was interested in bits of it. The animation was fairly above the standard and was entertaining to check out the future of animation. Truly if I want to watch brilliant animation I will watch a damn pixar movie. Games are fucking games, leave the long cut scenes the fuck out or at least let us skip the shit. Makes sense for replay right? Well not to these a-holes. The story does move along in a surprising kinda way. There is not much that is predictable as the story moves along. Also the story appears to be original and not taken to much from other sources. It seems that the writing was ambitious in trying to make a cool fucking game. Condense the shit and it might have had more rush and kept the game flowing with excitement like the boss battles.

The team ninja influences really shows in the boss battles. There are more boss battles in this game than any other damn game I have ever played. This is the ultimate game if you like to have your ass handed to you. I was beginning to like the bosses in the second half of the game. I was having to think fast and get with the strategy quick or else I would be fucked up quick.

There are some really cool looking things in this game play and in the same note there are really shitty visuals like the lava is crap design. The power bomb exploding is cool as fuck. The speed booster is the shit and looks awesome every time you blast away. Becoming more powerful in the game is pleasing and makes up for being weak with no special abilities for most of the depressing five hours.

There is adventure to this mostly action game. Seeking out hidden objects is a treat most of the time and this game does a damn good job of hiding shit in such small areas.

All in all the game fucks with my head because had the developers tweaked many different things this game could have been a huge hit and a classic, instead it will go down in history as one of the worst Nintendo let downs of all time. At least if you complete the game you will have more appreciation for the game than a person that only plays and hour or so. It might be tempting as fuck to turn if of and sell it to gamestop right away. Take my word this game is worth the pain and misery. This is a bitter sweet game fo' sho.

At the end there is a cut scene where big black Anthony comes up and interrupts Samus thumbs up to dead Adam. With the two side by side I couldn't help myself from thinking about Anthony fucking small little white girl ass samus in some kind of built up porno. She did end up walking in the direction that Anthony went walking off in so one could imagine that did come true on planet Zeb. Anthony slips into some silk pjs and throws some Marvin Gaye on for Samus for a intergalactic anal pounding that Samus would be commenting on in a cut scene that would last twenty minutes.

Next Metroid will be made by Retro! I read they are already developing another unknown game. Hmmm I wonder what that could be.

That would be the shit if intelligent systems made another 2d metroid like super metroid. I would crawl through a mile of shit to play that game.

Nintendo Redemption

Wii U is fucked. 

Since it is fucked I doubt Nintendo is going to poor shit loads of money into the games that will be on the system. The media has destroyed the reputation of the Wii U. If Skyward Sword didn't do so well this next Zelda will do worse in sales, unless the previews blow people away. So the question is will Nintendo lower cost on the next Zelda or will they go for the unknown kick to the groin with big cost and ambitious development? 

Well since the Nintendo announced that it will focus on another department selling health products I seriously doubt they will go all out on any game in the future for Wii. Mario sold little, Donkey Kong sold little so why fuck with it. 

I have my opinion on how Nintendo could bring the sales up for the Wii U. Are you ready for it?

Redesign the game pad so it is lighter and fits better in smaller hands ( ya know like fucking kids hands). 

If the screen has to be a tad smaller, fuck it, do it. The thing is way to heavy and the buttons layout is to spread out and simply doesn't work great like a PS3 controller. 

Make it an option to buy the game pad separate and sell the wii u for 150 with a free pro controller. 

The tech specs are very awful for Wii U. 300 dollars is a joke. The fact that there are no game pads on the shelves at stores is very fucked up and strange Nintendo would make a system and not have extra game pads to buy separate. 

Did Nintendo genuinely believe they would succeed with Wii U or is it a grand scheme?

If they came out with a new style game pad that was all around better and cost less with the option to buy the system separate from the game pad, people might not have a problem buying low cost games like 2D b.s. like another mario. Even if they made super entertaining games that were not super expensive to make I would be down and I would buy and play. 

Nintendo could even make a new 3DS that was compatible with Wii U. The new 3DS could have an xl style and have the streaming ability that the game pad has and of course a slot for 3DS games. Would also be cool to have 3DS games play on the tv with split screen for top and bottom screens. Basically give back to your damn buyers Nintendo. Give us something special for dealing with the Wii U hardship. 

First and foremost a new game pad that would spark interest in more buyers along with a price drop will get people that have been sitting on the fence to come onto Nintendo's side with some cash in hand. Shit is called value and this is why Nintendo will have to lower the price on the system, the game pad and the games in order to get what they are worth at the moment. 

If the game pad is the problem this is a fixable matter and Nintendo can do it. This 2014 Christmas season will put the Wii U at two years since release and a proper amount of time in between to make a new model. If Nintendo doesn't do this by the end of the year there is seriously something wrong going on here. 

Nintendo keeps saying it is the lack of software (games), this is showing to be untrue with sales figures for big releases like mario. Smash brothers isn't going to be a console seller nor will mario kart. Sure they will sell the games, however if mario didn't sell what makes you think mario kart is going to sell. 

Nintendo is essentially getting their asses kicked by Sony and Microsoft. People spend tons of money on that stuff, is there any left over for Nintendo these days? Are the fans dying out and are new generations passing Nintendo up for the more popular violent games? Or is the Wii U basically shit that the majority doesn't even want to consider buying?  

Change the fucking game pad and reduce the price to what the piece of shit is worth and boom you could have buyers for fuck sake. The more people that buy the systems the more people will buy the games. duh. 

If I can buy a ps3 with all the violent games and a console that has four times the power of a Wii U for a hundred dollars more, something isn't right. 

I seriously doubt I will give a shit about this New Nintendo Health product in the works and if this is where they focus their funds at least the bastards could still make quality hand held games. Fuck at this point I don't give a fuck about innovation or any strange Nintendo crap. I need Nintendo games. I don't give a shit if I use my thumbs and I don't give a shit if the games are 16 bit. Forget about competing with other companies with high end games. The power of Nintendo is concept, imagination, creativity, and entertainment. You don't have to make huge games like grand theft auto to keep the Nintendo quality there. A while back Nintendo announced that the next zelda would be the best looking and biggest one yet. Question is will that still be the case with the bombing of the system? Retro is likely working on a new Metroid which would be mega fucking awesome and the new zelda could be awesome as long as it isn't anything like twilight shitness. Still I won't want to play either with the awful game pad. I will use the good ol' wii remote and nun chuck. 

If you would also like a new style game pad or 3DS joined with Wii U, raise your voice! Get on all forums and let others know that this should and needs to be done. Amen. 

Death to Platformers

Be careful for what you want.

When the Wii New super mario bros. came out I was recharged with side scrolling enthusiasm. I said to myself this is awesome and nintendo should make more and focus less on big 3d world games.

Well Fuck me. What did I know anyway. What I wanted happened.

Nintendo makes up new ideas in gaming? They stand apart from other companies?

HuH?

Not lately and that is for shit sure. This new pile of shit gamepad is new innovation for what?

Side scrolling games is what. Hmmm that is the shit that was released 30 years ago. So far the main titles that nintendo has released are side scrolling games. Only pikmin 3 has used the gamepad and that wasn't innovative in my mind. 3DS was lacking this as well until they finally came out with Luigis Mansion and Link between worlds, then the 3D had polish and only in Link between worlds was the 3D utilized in the game play.

Donkey kong is another big nintendo release and not innovative in the least.

I understand Nintendo comes out with epic games and I do have many Nintendo games that I will get into bed with. Man I would like to bitch slap someone for this fucking shit.

Here is one more observation. Donkey Kong tropical breeze feels and plays like a sony game. I don't feel any nintendo in there. Sure it is the old Donkey Kong, still shit feels like sony. The music is aweful and definitely reminds me of some sony kid bullshit. It mostly feels like they are following sony style with this game. This is a damn first. I don't think I have ever seen a game where nintendo is following another style.

What the hell is happening to my beloved Nintendo. Fuck the wii u. Fuck the name wii u. Why the hell would you name a console after a console that faded out as hard as the wii? Shit faded out hard. Didn't the numbers show clearly that people wised up to the wii's bullshit after people were tired of playing wii sports ( the main reason the wii succeeded)?

Hindsight could be what we have here. Lay it out and tell me that this shit is not fucked up. 

Donkey Kong Cuntry topical breeze

Well I bought this game today and played it for a half an hour and became extremely bored. I'm getting super tired of side scrolling games. I don't care what the franchise is. Sure the game is pretty the music is shit and it will become hard as shit and might make you throw your wii u pad out the window. Nintendo has smothered us with this side scrolling bullshit.

First time I played through the wii donkey kong I was enjoying the painful difficulty and the game was kick ass. I will say out of all recent side scrolling games I enjoyed that game the most. Now the shit is dead to me. I can't even go back and play that game without getting bored (real quick).

One 2d style game nintendo could make is a game like super metroid. That won't happen because the director of other m fucked that up. I predict shitty sales for this donkey kong game. Mario Kart will sell more than pikmin 3 which will be mind boggling. Give brain dead games to people and they will go ape shit. No pun intended.

Ya I'm a nintendo die hard fan. Tear rolls down my cheek thinking about how shitty this entire wii u bullshit has been. FUCK WII U. I won't give a fuck about mario kart and I won't give a fuck about smash brothers.
If you enjoy those games good for you. Doesn't do me any good though. At least if you go buy those games nintendo can salvage what is left of wii shit u.

Retro makes a metroid game 2d or 3d and wii u would be good enough. They might be working on it right now. A man can dream at least.

Nintendo I'm going to cut you some slack for releasing link between worlds. Excellent game. Sweet gem.

In the beginning I thought 3DS was going to be garbage. I was surprised how great the system is. Now 3DS redeemed itself. Wii U likely will not. Like I have stated before the game pad design is crap beyond crap. The game pad needs to be turned into a smaller pad with the same size screen. You bet both of my balls that is right around the corner.

Go fuck yourself. 

Zelda Ocarina of TIme ruined

I was liking the new textures and didn't mind some of the new movements until I became grown up link.

Link runs in slow motion and it looks terrible. I remember always liking how they made the adult link back in the day and it still is nice to watch link run around.

He is the center of the screen at all times and this crap they put out is so distracting and off putting I put the game down and doubt I will play it again. This is shitty because I'm sure there is nice textures and different design elements in the rest of the game. I may never know due to this nagging problem. It amazes me that nintendo let that through. Why fuck with something that is part of the original recipe that succeeded. I didn't give much thought to the changes with young link. Adult link is too obvious.

I did notice that Nintendo had help from an outside company with this. That also blows my mind that they would even think about handing that utlra classic over to another company.

Bad Fucking moves, Big huge bad fucking move. This game could have blown me away and I will end up scarred thinking of how it fell short.

The original is an epic game that has out dated textures and even some design. At least I can be amazed by links design and movement. Looks like I'm fucked either way. It is likely that the game will never be remade or fixed up again. Maybe in Ten goddamn years.

One day Nintendo has me amazed by brilliant games and on another they have me wondering what the fuck they were thinking. 

Zelda Oracle of Shit

A game that was built to make cunts go buy a strategy guide is oracle of seasons and ages. Go ahead and look up used strategy guides for these games and most all I have seen have been beat up and used like no other.

Some of the dungeons are excellent and full of super fucked up, strange puzzles. You definitely have to think out of the box with this game. Other dungeons blow my dick and are not entertaining to play in the least. Switching back and forth for items during hot boss battles or for various reasons get real old real quick. I feel like a zelda slave playing these games.

I know there are many people out there that like to torture themselves with this game. I could imagine that if you know the game in and out and all the puzzles and mystery are gone you might feel like a master. I say any game that pretty much has you needing a strategy guide to know how to go up or down a screen to get through a series of screens to pass through and knowing which season to be in YOU HAVE TO have the goddamn strategy guide. Sure maybe a dickhead across the map will give you the info to pass. Still that is fucked and more of a headache than enjoying some game time.

I will leave these games to people that like that kind of frustrating misery.